I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
