i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
