i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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