I didn't shave. On purpose
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
she looked like the before picture.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
What changed your mind?
Being sober
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
