That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
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