I never want to see another naked old woman again.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
