It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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