I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
