oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
