Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
