i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Randomize
