Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
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