How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
