I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
