And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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