I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
