Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
