I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
