I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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