After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Randomize
