Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Randomize
