I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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