He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
YAS. BRING CRAB.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
