I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
you will always have a special place in my vag
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
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