Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
