So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
