Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
