I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
