Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
