There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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