Can Purell be used as lube?
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
