She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
