I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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