I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
The air taste purple.
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