Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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