You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Randomize
