Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
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