My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
