I hate all girls vehemently.
Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
we're chasing vodka with high fives
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Randomize
