I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
