wanna go halves on a baby?
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
