from now on my penis is your penis
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
