All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
