chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
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