There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
The ass gains better be worth it
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