I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
