i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
