I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
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