dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
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