She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
