I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
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Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize