Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
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Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
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It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
It's shark week go big or go home
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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