Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
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