wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
