I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
