me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
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