Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
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