Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Randomize
