I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Randomize
