I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
