ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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