Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
