Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Randomize
