OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
