I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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