My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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