too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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