Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Randomize
