Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
