Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
