On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
