I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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