She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
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