sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
