He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
This gyro tastes like lonliness
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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