i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
