Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Randomize
