Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
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