one two three fourrrrnication!
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
