help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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