Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
