She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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