Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
