I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
