I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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