Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
