Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
