he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
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