I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
